


Excitement and Fear

by the_witching_hours



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 19:28:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11214711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_witching_hours/pseuds/the_witching_hours
Summary: Phobias are serious stuff





	Excitement and Fear

**Author's Note:**

> y/n: your name | y/l/n: your last name

Avoiding medbay had become a routine for you. Working in engineering usually meant quite a few trips to medical; exposure to radiation, millions of moving parts, and clumsy coworkers all combined to make for a generally dangerous work environment. But whether through skill, or sheer dumb luck, you’d avoided medical visits for a long time. Longer than was allowed actually, but no one had caught you yet.

It wasn’t that you were avoiding the people there; if Christine and Dr. McCoy had been in any other profession, you would have been happy to consider them friends, but you and doctors don’t mix at all. So when an opportunity for an away mission came up, you jumped for it. Not only would you get a chance at some non-recirculated air, but you could avoid Dr. McCoy, Nurse Chapel, and their incessant nagging as well. The mission was a simple scouting trip, so it should have been just a few science officers, someone from engineering, and a security officer. But the Captain had claimed that he needed to go on this mission. You were pretty sure that he just wanted to be off the ship and escape his responsibilities for a while, but you played along.

Jim was a friend, a partner in crime; he also understood your desire to avoid Dr. Hyper-hypo. He may not have understood the reason why, but he helped you anyway. He also avoided check-ups and physicals, for his own reasons. But it was still nice to have someone who bothered to understand, even just a little. The fact that you had a school-girl crush on him was sometimes hard for you to ignore, but hanging out with him as friends was good enough for you.

Waiting for Captain Kirk to get to the transporter, you chatted to your superior and friend, Scotty. He reminded you to check in when you landed and to keep an eye on Jim for him. You both had a good chuckle at that, knowing that sometimes Jim was prone to wander off. You were still giggling when he came into the room, followed closely by Dr. McCoy who, by the sound of it, was giving him a hard time about something.

“Jim, you can’t just walk off a concussion, it’s serious.”

“I know Bones, I know. Don’t worry about it. It’s just a hypothetical situation. Relax.”

“Hypothetical my ass. “ the doctor replied stepping to the side, “Still don’t understand why you’re even going.”

“Cause I am the Captain, and the team needs me. Hey Dust.” Jim acknowledged you, as he walked away to talk to Scotty.

“Dust” had been Jim’s name for you since he met you in your first astronomy class at the academy. “Dust” is short for “Stardust”. He insisted that since everyone is made of stardust and he met you when you were both studying stars, it was only a fitting name for you. You tried to act like you didn’t like it, but it warmed your heart a little every time he called you that.

“His ego is so visible I can almost watch it grow.” Dr. McCoy grumbled, now standing near you.

You laughed in true then; you couldn’t deny that. The doctor looked at you then, as if he hadn’t realized who it was that he was standing by.

“Don’t laugh too hard Y/N. I’m gonna get you into medical when you get back. You’re about a year overdue for just about everything.”

“You gotta catch me first Doc.” you sassed as you walked onto the transport pad.

“Ya know, you could use my name,” he sighed.

“At least I don’t call you ‘Bones’,” you smiled at him as you turned to face the room, ready to beam down. Jim cackled as your bodies began to transport.

You were so excited for the mission, beaming to the surface of an icy planet, not knowing what you’d find. Your first steps left footprints in the surrounding snow were the only marks you could see. A smile lit your face as the science officers started running scans of the area. You could hear trepidation in their voices, but you weren’t worried or afraid. Cautious, as you expected to be, but not afraid. Perhaps you should have been.

While the planet was uninhabited by any humanoid life forms, there were apparently several, very large, very aggressive life forms calling it home. Life forms that, when threatened by a Starfleet scouting party, like to swipe at said scouting party with their sharp claws and clubbed tails. Since you all were only equipped with phasers, beaming back to the ship was the only option. The problem with that was that the call wasn’t put through fast enough. Kirk hadn’t even finished saying Scotty’s name when the claws came at his head again. He ducked as did most of the others, except the young science officer, you had pushed him out of the way just in time while firing off a miraculous shot, hitting the creature right in its eye. The creature howled in pain and ran off with one last swipe of its massive tail.

“Good shot Y/N,” Kirk cheered as he rolled to his feet, a prod grin on his face. That grin slid away as soon as he saw you though.

Although you had hit the creature, it had scored an equally good hit on you; three deep gouges, right across your torso, shoulder to hip.

You vaguely registered Kirk calling Scotty again, frantically telling him to alert McCoy that you were injured. You weren’t sure when your back had hit the ground, but you thought you felt a warm touch to your cheek. Then it was all black.

    ———————————————————————————————

The bright lights of medbay were burning through your closed eyelids, irritating your already pounding head. You knew you were in medical without even opening your eyes. The smell of antiseptic, the soft whir of the bio-beds and, the angry sounding southern drawl of the local CMO where all the clues you needed.

“No Jim, she isn’t awake. …  No, there hasn’t been a change since you checked 5 seconds ago. … Damn it man, I’m a doctor not a miracle worker; I can’t make her wake up.”

“Maybe you are a miracle worker Doc.” you replied, voice scratchy and rough from your unintended sleep, “You woke me up just fine.”

“I take it back, she says I may just be. She’s up. …  No Jim, you may not. I just said- and he’s already headed down here.” McCoy added, speaking to no one now that Jim had elected to come down to medical, regardless of the CMO’s protests. You chuckled lightly at his antics, pushing yourself into a sitting position, instantly regretting it when you felt your chest and abdomen protest. You groaned and Dr. McCoy turned to you, tricorder in hand and began scanning you.

“You’re gonna be sore for a few weeks Y/N. You took a hard shot to the chest and knocked your head. Had to regenerate quite a bit of tissue and you needed a transfusion. There’s a lot of deep tissue bruising still. You’re gonna need to take it easy.”

You winced. “This is your way of telling me I’m gonna stuck here for a while isn’t it?”

“‘Fraid so. Unless you can convince someone else to watch you in your quarters instead,” he responded, adjusting your IVs.

Your heart rate spiked. Up until that moment you hadn’t noticed the IVs in your arms. You knew that the shunts in your arms were not technically needles, but your irrational fear didn’t discriminate. That was the reason you avoided medbay and the Hypo-happy doctor who called it home. You had an intense needle phobia. And now, you couldn’t escape.

In your panic, you’d missed the Captain entering medical to a scene of confusion. McCoy trying to calm you while simultaneously barking at his nurses to get a sedative for you. Jim crossed the room, perched himself on the edge of your bed and took your face in his hands.

“Y/N,” he said in a calm but commanding voice, his “captain” voice, “you need to calm down, Dust.”

Your panicked brain heard him and your wide eyes met his.

“Listen to my breathing okay? Listen and try to match your breathing to mine.” He took exaggeratedly loud, even breaths for several minutes, long enough for you to calm down a little and explain the source of your panic.

“Well shit darlin’, I wish I’d known that earlier, but it’s not like there’s much I could have done about it.” You understood that a transfusion required needles. Intellectually, you knew there was nothing to fear, especially from Dr. McCoy, he’d never been anything but nice to you, even accommodating your dislike for medbay most of the time. But even though you knew all these things, your phobia would not be ignored. Your momentary calm had snapped, and you were hyperventilating again, Jim tried to calm you down, but it was like his voice was lost to you. Also lost to you was Nurse Chapel and her hidden hypo of sedative. She stuck you before you could notice her. Within moments, you had passed out, falling forward, slumping into Jim’s arms. He gently repositioned you, laying you back into bed, and then brushed the hair out of your face.

“How long do the IVs have to be in Bones?”

“Not much longer. If everything checks out, we can pull them later today. We’ll just have to make sure she’s getting enough liquids and be careful that she doesn’t become dehydrated. I told her she’d probably have to stay in here, but with that level of a reaction to needles, it may not be best for her,” Bones blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair, looking at you back.

“What needs to happen?” Bones’ eyes darted to Jim when he spoke, brow furrowing for a moment before his face relaxed and he smiled slightly. He was surprised that Jim was so involved, but when he saw his friend’s determined face, he understood.

——————————————————————————–

When you woke next, you were no longer in medbay, but swaddled in blankets in a room that was not your own. Blinking a few times to clear your eyes, you began to push yourself up, only to be stopped by a hand on your shoulder.

“Whoa, Y/N, lay back down,” Jim’s concerned face floated into your view. You grew more confused.

“Where am I? Whose…” you trailed off as you remembered; the mission, getting struck, medbay, your panic. Your eyes flew to Jim’s sea blue ones, shame and discomfort building, you looked away and down.

“First of all,” Jim spoke soothingly and used his thumb and forefinger to lift your chin so he could see your face again, “there’s no reason for you to be embarrassed; we all have fears. So yours is inconvenient, they all are really. We were just surprised. We don’t judge you for a fear you can’t control. Bones says he can find ways to work around it. Honestly, I think he’s just glad you weren’t avoiding him, he has a fragile ego ya know.” You smiled a little at that, remembering McCoy’s comment about Jim’s ego.

“Second, to answer your question, you are in my room. Bones said you needed someone to watch you if you left medbay. I volunteered, so we are in my room,” Jim paused, he hadn’t even considered taking you to your own room, he’d just taken you straight to his. Now he was questioning his impulse, “would you rather be in yours? We can move if you want.” You blinked a few times and tilted your head causing Jim’s fingers to leave your chin, he rested them instead on your upturned cheek. He’d volunteered? Your brow furrowed again; Jim chuckled.

“You’re wondering why I volunteered aren’t you?”

“Yep. You have way more important shit to be doing than babysitting an invalid, Jim. You have a whole ship depending on you.”

“Are you not a part of the ship Y/N?”

“Well yeah but-”

“And you need help right?”

“I do not nee-”

“Yes, you do. So this could be considered an extension of my duties really, but it’s not.” Jim’s hand stayed at your cheek, but he brought himself more fully into your view, now sitting perched on the bed as opposed to on the ground leaning over you as he’d been before.

“If it’s not duty, then why are you doing this Jim?” you asked, eyes looking back and forth between his, confused, but still… why would he be here, touching you, let alone spending so much time with you if he didn’t feel… No, you decided, closing your eyes and trying to turn your face away, but Jim countered; moving his other hand up to cup your other cheek, effectively forcing you to look at him.

“Why? Because I care about you, Y/N. I’ve always cared about you, probably more than I should have. We’ve always been close I know, but when I saw you hurt… Stardust, you passed out and I tried to catch you when you fell, but I was too far away. My heart was racing when I ran to you, but it almost stopped when you wouldn’t wake up. I got to you and you wouldn’t respond. I was so scared. You lost so much blood, Dust,” Jim’s eyes closed. You reached up and held his wrists in your hands, trying to comfort him. You could only remember how you felt during the Khan incident, when Jim had climbed into the warp core housing to save the ship and died in the process. You had been shattered, looking at Jim, you knew he understood that now. Jim leaned forward and rested his forehead on yours, breathing deeply.

“I’m here. I’m here and I’m okay. You got me back to the ship in time. McCoy fixed me up, and if I hadn’t seen the IVs, I would have been fine.” You moved your right hand from his wrist to his cheek, he nuzzled into your palm.

You both stayed like that for a moment before Jim moved. He removed his left hand to grasp your right, holding it to his cheek as he spoke.

“I’m here, helping you because I want to. I want to be with you as much as I can. I want to be there when you wake up, as you fall asleep, and every moment in between. I… I love you, Y/N. I love you so much.” His eyes were still closed, his head still leaning on yours. He looked so vulnerable, you weren’t used to this side of him.

You thought you had seen everything from him; funny, angry, melancholy, happy, studious (albeit rarely). But this? This was new. Love. You did love him, had for a while, but pushed it back through everything. He needed you as a friend. You’d been there through Nero, Kahn, and the death of Christopher Pike. Hell you’d been there when he died. Most recently, you’d been there when he was doubting himself and thinking of leaving the ship, during Krall’s terror. He’d never indicated his feelings, at least not that you’d noticed. But then again, he clearly didn’t know how you felt either.

“Ya know, life would be so much easier if we all just talked about our damn feelings,” you groused, startling Jim into lifting his head from yours, almost pulling away from your hand and looking straight at you. “I’ve loved you for a long time, you idiot.” You smiled at his relieved sigh. His whole body relaxed, his head dropping back down to meet yours, a small chuckle falling from his lips.

“Yeah, it would. But I’m saying it now, and I’ll say it for as long as you’ll let me: I love you, Dust.” He began to lean forward a bit more, his eyes looking to your lips, you smiled as the hand you had on his cheek slid to the back of his neck and up into his hair. But before you felt the press of lips against yours, the door opened and a very loud, southern voice came from the doorway.

“How’s our patient doing to– Damn it Jim! I told you to watch her, not hit on her!” Jim groaned, you laughed so hard your abdomen and chest burned.


End file.
